Quarter #2 over

This quarter we started our clinical portion of the Surgical Technology program. I have definitely seen some interesting things. Just to able to see the inside of the body up close and personal; heart still beating, peristalsis in the bowel, etc...seeing it actually work has just been utterly amazing for me. All of my friends, mostly, think I am sick and crazy for liking the things I have seen.
But it just makes me realize how complex we are and how we are designed for everything to work correctly and how our body knows when something is array and how I am a part of a team that helps fix people.

New Subject

ok..so many of you know that I have been in the Surgical Technology program for the past 5 months...if you didn't, now you do.
Anyway, so we have finally started our clinical portion of the the program about 4 weeks ago. I really do feel like a medical student sometimes with all of the paperwork we have to do.
Don't get me wrong the things I have seen have been really interesting, but I hate doing the drawings that go along with it. Too many...however, i have nothing to complain about really because i usually have about 2-3 cases a day, while my fellow students have 6-8 cases a day. I have seen bowel, carotid arteries, uterus, behinds and much more.
I have a question for surgeons out there, what do you think makes a good scrub tech and what kind of advice would you give them to improve on instrument knowledge and procedures?

death

death comes
to take away

leftover
pain

eventually
peace

old habits die hard

some people or situations just bring out habits you wish would just die. it's so hard to lead a christian lifestyle around them. no matter how much you tell yourself "what kind of example do you want to be tonight?" the old you just resurfaces like you never washed it away...it's like a stain that comes back even though you have bleached it out. it haunts you.
somewhere in my heart of hearts i know that i do not want that lifestyle anymore and that I "old Susan" died the moment i got baptized....well at least it should have been. it all comes down to choices, but when you are caught up in the moment, the wrong choice seems like the right choice at the time when you absolutely know it's the wrong choice. it's like that chapter in Romans where Paul talks about doing what he's not supposed to and not doing what he's supposed to do (Romans 7:15-25)
ok..wow...i was just looking up that portion of romans and was directly brought to Romans 6 - dead to sin, alive in christ.
anyway, so that's been my conviction this weekend..it's been a struggle lately.

week 2 - night 5 - 00:58

it's been a crazy night already. we had a kid in the OR when I got here and he just got back about 30 minutes ago and we just got a kid from the NICU who was brought here from Columbus, GA. They just found out he has TGA (transposition of the great arteries: when your Aorta & Pulmonary Artery are reversed...bad news bears) and he was born yesterday..which i think might have been monday?
Anyway, i have learned some stuff, but some of it i remember. if i don't know it, i look it up.
i am hoping to go observe a surgery in the next couple of weeks. maybe during december...that month seems pretty light.
well, i am signing off for now.

5:55 AM - night 3

didn't sleep well at all yesterday either...i think this time i am eating breakfast before I go to bed today. tonight is my last night for the week....whew!

there are some sick babies in here...all have cardiac problems they were born with. there are a couple that are tiny..but they were all created just the same. who knows how God is going to use their defect to impact the lives of others. i have to believe that.
there is one here that had open heart surgery yesterday for HLHS - hypoplastic left heart sydrome - meaning that the whole left side of her heart did not develop fully. so in turn, the mitral valve & aortic valve are either tiny or absent as well as the left ventricle and the first part of the aorta. that is major! the only way to survive is with open heart surgery either with a heart transplant or staged palliation, which comes in 3 operations - the norwood, which is done right after birth and changes the right ventricle into the main ventricle; the bidirectional glenn, which is done at about 6 months of age and directs half the blood returning from the body to the lungs. The last operation, the Fontan operation, is done at 2 years of age and diverts all of the blood returning from the body to the lungs. The survival rate of about 5 years old is 70-75%. Can you imagine having all of that surgery done by the time you were 2 years old?!
Anyway, she was brought up tonight and while I was stocking the room cart, i peeked over and could see her tiny little chest open and her tiny little heart beating. I am still amazed, even though I have seen it before.

God wasn't playing around when he made us.

3:44 a.m - Night One

night shift...again...i didn't sleep at all today, so i am surprised that I am even conscious. maybe it was that quadruple shot latte i had at 7:00 from starbucks...i should try that again. my eyes are burning from my contacts...maybe next time i will bring my case & solution and my glasses...

anywho, i am glad to be back in the CICU. it was a good environment for me to learn in. one of the nurses is going try and get me in on a case with one of the surgeons...that would be awesome! it's quite most of the time, except for the occasional alarms & whatnot...

i am ready for school.. i am ready to have my second chance at making a life & career for myself. i have wasted so many opportunities because it was hard and i gave up...well not this time gosh darnit!! i refuse to give up! no matter how hard it will be, i will not give into the stress. this time around i know what i can eliminate from my schedule and get my priorities straight...I am freakin 31 years old and it's about time i grew up and became an adult.

good morning!